What You Did Wrong

“I just wanted to say that I am sorry if I really did hurt you.” — unidentified female

First, yes, you really did hurt me and I am fairly certain that you know that. It seems odd to learn that you might have some doubts about that.

Second, hurting people sometimes happens. The fact that you found it necessary to hurt me doesn’t require an apology. Letting someone know that you’re not interested in a relationship, that you don’t have feelings for him or her, that you don’t love him or her, or that you no longer love him or her is probably going to hurt that individual’s feelings. Hearing an unexpected and unwanted “Goodbye” can be painful.

Hurting someone is almost unavoidable at times. But you treated me contemptuously and demonstrated that you quite likely didn’t even care that you were hurting me. You made it unnecessarily difficult and painful for me. Whether you intended it or not, you were cruel. I would have gotten over my broken heart a little easier and probably a whole lot faster had you treated me with some kindness and some respect for my feelings. You didn’t. If you want to apologize, you should apologize for that and not because you decided that you no longer wanted me in your life. You had the right to pull the plug. But the way that you treated me in making your desires known was far worse than I deserved. I deserved better from you. I’d like to believe that you know that too.