Thinking of Writing for a Greeting Cards Company

I am thinking of either trying to get a job writing greeting card messages or starting a greeting card business. Here is my take on a “thinking of you" card:

I have never been a victim of prison rape, but you and I dated for a time. It was painful, degrading, dehumanizing, emasculating, humiliating, sadistic in nature, and neither drugs nor alcohol will ever be able to fully purge the experience from my memory. Thanks for making an impact in my life (and for the recurring bill for counseling services).

I think that I have a knack for this. What? What was that? What do you mean “Get help”? Didn’t you see the reference to “counseling services”? 😏