A Good Influence
Updated: Mar 17, 2023
“You are good for Greg. You calm him down. He is an angry guy.” -- former girlfriend
I have pondered the statement above many times and then I recently watched a clip of Bill Burr discussing his anger issues with Joe Rogan. I admire Mr. Burr’s interest in self-discovery and getting at the root of his self-acknowledged anger issues. It takes courage to look inward and to face a side of ourselves that may not be pleasant to see. It takes courage to acknowledge a flaw or weakness in our character or personality.
I have done some work and taken some steps in this area myself. Grudgingly so, truth be told. My relationship with my father was troubled at times. It is not my intention to bash him or vilify him here. I expect that he did the best that he could, as did I with the tools at my disposal. While he certainly wasn’t a Ward Cleaver or a Mike Brady, he wasn’t a monster either. I wasn’t exactly Wally Cleaver or Greg Brady myself.
I have worked with kids from bad family backgrounds, including those affected by the trauma of sexual abuse. My father certainly did not harm me in that way. He wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t a misanthrope that only deserves my contempt. He fed me, clothed me, and kept a roof over my head. He spent time with me teaching me baseball, a game that I still love to this day and that I have been fortunate enough to play into my adult years. He helped me to get an education. He loved me, even if he sometimes did a poor job of showing it. I haven’t always been perfect in showing my love for others myself.
It is a fact that it took the intervention of others to force me to confront the emotional toll that my sometimes troubled relationship with my father had on me. I firmly believe that we are responsible for how we accept our reality and our past. Unfortunately, I saw fit to utilize a self-deprecating sense of humor and a tendency to laugh off the emotional toll of our conflicts. It eventually caught up with me.
I dated a beautiful young woman that attended another school. Her mother was a counselor. A female friend evidently confided to this young woman that she was good for me. I think that she was right.
One semester sometime after we started dating, I was struggling emotionally. The problem was that I didn’t seem to know that I was in trouble. Evidently my girlfriend and her mother did. They essentially staged an intervention. I basically tried to laugh off their concerns and the words of warning from my girlfriend’s mom. Her mom appeared to be legitimately concerned that if I continued on the same path, I might disappear within myself and be unreachable.
Now even to this day, I don’t know that my situation was as dire as they believed it to be. But I was clearly struggling. In time, with some work, things got better. After we broke up, I saw further progress as a result of some court-mandated counseling sessions stemming from an unfortunate incident that involved the presence of a law enforcement officer.
That romantic relationship didn’t end with the fairytale ending. She eventually married another man and had his children. And when I learned from her that she was married and was having a baby, I was genuinely happy for her. She meant a great deal to me and I was grateful for the time that we had spent together.
The funny thing was that others could see that she was good for me and evidently said as much to her. And they seemed to know at least a side of me better than I knew myself. As I have grown older, I certainly have a better idea of myself and who I am. And in time, I faced that side of myself.
The link below is to the Joe Rogan podcast segment with Bill Burr. Check it out if you like.
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