“You can be an intimidating guy.”

It always surprises me when someone tells me that they find me intimidating or that they initially found me intimidating. I generally don’t see myself that way.

My massage therapist told me last week that she had initially found me intimidating until she had talked with me awhile. And I expect that is likely to be the case with most anyone that has initially found me intimidating. It makes me wonder though about the people that didn’t get to know me that perhaps never took a chance because something in my expression or demeanor was off-putting to them.

And it hasn’t been just females. More than a couple guys have said in one way or another that they had initially found me intimidating or threatening. I had a guy in college tell me that the reason that he didn’t bust my chops the way that he did the other guys on our floor was because I got this look in my eyes that conveyed that I might be inclined to fetch an axe and do violence. Of course, he followed this admission with a playful insult.

I have a tough time seeing myself in this light, but I can acknowledge that sometimes my demeanor and facial expressions might be off-putting or convey that I shouldn’t be approached. Sometimes, like when I was walking home from work late at night and a car was driving past, it was deliberate. But I certainly don’t intend to convey an aura of menace to a massage therapist or someone in a social setting. I hate to think that someone didn’t get to know me because of a bad first impression. I should probably try to work on being more approachable in social settings. At 53 years of age, it isn’t too late to make positive changes.