Weeping for the Present and the Future
Updated: Dec 22, 2024
If this is true. I find it truly distressing. I don't have children, much less sons. But I have nephews and I have friends with sons. It hurts me to think that they might be so wracked with a lack of self-confidence.
I have liked girls and women for as long as I can remember. I don’t recall ever not liking them. But as a teenager I was not overly confident when it came to expressing my interest and my feelings to young women that I was interested in pursuing romantically. In time, I got over that and got more comfortable with the possibility or likelihood of being rejected. I have taken my chances. I have taken my shots. I have asked out women that I might have considered to be out of my league. I've been successful on occasion. 😉
In my 20s, I once approached a young woman after the guy that had been standing with her and her girlfriends went to the bar or the restroom. I acknowledged that I had seen the guy that came in with her and her girlfriends, inquired if that was her boyfriend, and explained that I was interested in getting to know her better if he was not. She admitted that he was her boyfriend and that she had a couple single female friends that might be interested. I thanked her for her time and calmly told her that I didn’t cross the room to meet her friends. I couldn’t have imagined high school Greg being that bold or self-assured.
Now, I have never been a “ladies man” and even today I have my share of doubts and insecurities. But I can hardly wrap my head around the idea of so many young men being so hesitant to speak to a young woman and take their shot. I realize that rejection is particularly painful. I get that. I have been there. One of the most recent rejections that I suffered at the hands of a member of the opposite sex truly broke my heart and perhaps broke me for a time. It definitely scarred me. But I still can't see living a life so consumed by a fear of rejection that I can't approach a potential romantic relationship and just hope that a woman makes a pass at me.
Clearly, we are not teaching our young men the "emotional first aid" and "emotional hygiene" skills necessary to prepare them to be reasonably resilient and emotionally healthy. I would argue that we as a culture and society do a relatively piss-poor job of teaching those skills to young women and adults too. But we are not not bashing young women about "toxic femininity."
Traditional masculinity is anything but "toxic." What is "toxic" is the distorted view that these people seem to hold about what it means to be masculine. I am not going to rant about this beyond pointing out that we are not doing our young men or our young women any favors by vilifying masculinity. Frankly, I get irritated by women and girls that act like they know all about what it is like being a man. It is blatantly obvious that they have no damn idea what they are talking about on the matter. It is about as ridiculous as me trying to explain to a marlin what it is to be a fish.
But on the topic of "emotional first aid" and "emotional hygiene," I will share a TED Talk by Dr. Guy Winch on the topic that I have shared a number of times before on social media and my blogs (see link below). I believe that our culture and society would benefit greatly from giving our emotional and psychological health more emphasis than we currently do. Young men and women, as well as older adults would benefit from viewing and thoughtfully considering the points being made.
"How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch"
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