Ride or Die
There is a scene in the film, The Town, which I figure speaks to a lot of guys (and perhaps some women). Ben Affleck’s character, Doug MacRay, solicits some help from his friend and partner-in-crime, James "Jem" Coughlin, played exceptionally well by Jeremy Renner. Doug’s new girlfriend has been getting harassed by some neighborhood thugs and Doug intends to see to it that it stops. He goes to Jem to recruit him for his planned action.
Doug MacRay: “I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people.”
James "Jem" Coughlin: “... Whose car we gonna take?”
One virtue that many people exalt as the mark of a true friend is loyalty. It is arguably an essential component for a friendship.
“Will you have my back?”
“Will you stick up for me?”
“Will you be there for me?”
“Can I count on you when I can’t count on anyone else?”
“Can I trust you?”
As a man, I feel pretty safe in saying that most guys will at least acknowledge the importance of loyalty between friends. That doesn’t mean that some of those same guys will never betray a friend’s trust (I did once when I was younger and YES a woman was involved). We are not perfect beings. There is the ideal and then there is reality. But we can still recognize and celebrate the ideal, even if we know that some of us fall short of the ideal.
The notable thing about Jem’s response to Doug’s request for help is that after getting a somewhat vague description of what would be required of him, his only question involves whose vehicle him and Doug will be taking. He is onboard. Granted, Jem has already demonstrated that he has absolutely no problem with using violence. In fact, we learn in another scene that Jem has done a stint in prison after shooting someone that had been planning to shoot Doug. Jem trusts his friend, Doug. He assumes that his friend has his reasons and that those reasons are a sufficient justification for what they are going to do. That is good enough for Jem. Jem is a ride or die kind of friend.
Another virtue that many men will acknowledge as being important is physical courage, particularly when it comes to physically defending our family and friends. Jem has physical courage and he is willing to pay a physical price even if he fully expects to be the one dealing out the physical punishment.
I am not a “fighter” or a “bad man.” With that being said, I have had my share of fights and on other occasions I have stood ready to fight if it was going to be necessary to fight. On a handful of occasions I have stood alongside friends or teammates when a fight was brewing.
On one particular occasion, while I was shooting pool with a friend from England at a pool hall, I was “recruited” by another friend for a possible fight after a group of guys had mouthed off to him and another friend as they drove past. He basically asked me if I felt like getting in a fight and I indicated that I did. My English friend and I joined my other two friends and we confronted the four guys that had evidently mouthed off in a foolish and misguided attempt to impress the young women in their company. It was rather amusing to watch them backpedal and back down from a fight after they had reportedly been so cocky and full of themselves.
Anyway, I think that this combination of fierce loyalty and almost reckless physical courage on display by Jem is appealing to guys even if we can acknowledge that Jem isn’t exactly a “good guy.” He is loyal and physically courageous, even though he is a criminal. I think that most guys find that admirable and relatable. I think this is why this particular scene resonates with so many guys.
Below is a link to a video of that particular scene in the film and to the Merriam-Webster entry for the title of this post.
“The Town (2010) Who's Car We Taking EXTENDED Scene HD”
“ride or die” Merriam-Webster entry
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